Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Silent moments; Big choices

Silent Moments; Big Choices August 2007

There is a silent world that each of us owns. It is the world of our inner life. Our thoughts and emotions and our ability to choose….all of these operate vigorously without anyone around us knowing it is going on. Sometimes big choices are made in these silent moments. These choices can be so big that they actually change the course of our life.

In my teenage years, I made one of these “big choices”. I was thought of as a “good kid” that came from a good home. I had been taught well by my parents and church what Christians should and should not do. I knew those things all to well. But in my silent moments, it was a different world than the front I kept on the outside. I was too curious and pulled toward things I knew were wrong. In a silent moment, I made a big choice…..”no one would ever know about the secret things I do or think”.

There! It was done.

That choice caused a lot of darkness and lonliness and misery in my life. It became a silent hell. My enjoyment of anything bad was short-lived. I had no one to share it with….afterall, my choice had been made and I wasn’t going to risk being caught by anyone. I didn’t think I could live with others thinking bad things of me if I was caught.

I’m happy to say that choices can be remade.

Eventually, in God’s time, the misery that was created from that choice led me to want to be free from it. By the grace of God only, I began to want to open my life to others and get free from the heavy, dark inner life that I had nurtured over the past years. This has been an on-going process that I will walk in my whole life.

But it is a good choice that has led me to more freedom as the years have gone by.

It is a process that has slowly progressed and will continue the rest of my life.

I will always be tempted to go into hiding again….but God’s grace is sufficient for me to remain in His light and life.

Yesterday, God’s grace led me to make a very good, big choice in a silent moment again! I was in a circumstance that was chewing me up inside. Emotionally I was very troubled and mentally my thoughts were darting about like a squirrel does when it can’t make up it’s mind which way it wants to go when crossing a road. I needed help, and I knew it.

I felt like a ship that was sinking….partly submerged and being pulled down.

In a silent moment before God, He offered me help. He offered me the body of Christ….people I knew walked daily with Jesus. I heard the Holy Spirit say to me, “don’t wait til this trouble has blown over to open your life to others….open your heart now and let them encourage you and strengthen you and comfort you. They are a gift to you from Me to help shoulder your burden.”. And in that silent moment, I said, “yes, I will….I choose to do that starting now”.

Before I even stepped out and began to practise this, I felt a wave of peace, strength and relief flow over me….I knew I had transacted something definite with my Heavenly Father.

The rest of that day, I opened my inner world to the people that the Holy Spirit brought to mind and was amazed how much the burden I was carrying was lifted. A new strength and determination was given me so I could carry on. I felt a whole new way of living was opened to me and this big choice in a silent moment before God is already bearing eternal treasure ….the kingdom of God in my world! How wonderful are God’s ways!

Holy Spirit, reknew afresh in me the desire to walk in the light as You are in the light with my inner world and to always choose Your way of living in this life. Amen

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